Rojak Pasembor

Things has turned from bad to worst. As I was thinking I was actually coming out of all the clusters, I am being pushed down more and more. I believe this is a test GOD is putting on me to see how far can i go. Well, I'm gonna prove to HIM alright. With the people who loves me around me, I know nothing can change or make me cry. Some problems settled in a very uneasy way where the decision made actually solves the problem but not in a pleasant way. The only problem which is haunting me very very much now is MONEY! The budget I made doesnt seem to be right! I have no idea. I think I have to sacrifice somethings in life that I love so much for this. But I know things will change. That is what that is still keeping me going on. My faith in me is slowly disapearing and if i don't react now I dont know where am i gonna go. I can see bright light in front of me, but i have a hard time to leave the street i am standing now. I love it so much. people trust me, people think i am a part of the family, yet i just can afford it. The price that i have to pay is just to much. I have taken the first step away from the street. let's see how far do i need to go to reach the brighter side.
I wouldn't know what i would do without all my frens. Who am i gonna tell stuff to, who am i gonna get up in the morning wake them up and say good morning before leaving to work? who is gonna give me rm1 when i don't have money to go back?who is gonna go for lunch with me? who am i gonna go dinner with? who am i gonna disturb when i am bored? who am i gonna make fun of? who is gonna make fun of me? who i am gonna beat up? who?.....who?
I believe evryone has to go through this period of feeling. Man! It is even worst than falling in love! I tell to myself always, where they gonna go? they gonna be around. only that not with u. so, it doesnt matter. but the distant! thats the poison in every relationship i have had so far.
When u go futher apart, the more u gonna feel ur frens like strangers. I know keep in touch is good but how far can that work? U will have ur own set of frens, i will have my own set of frens. can't be making fun and do crazy stuffs like last time. distance makes the heart grow fonder and stranger...i believe.
As much as i love my school frens, my uni frens are the ones i love more. i dont know why but i feel that they will always be ther like brothers and sisters. After this, dont know wahts gonna happen...i just dont want to go through this period, i still want to drive my frens around, i still want my frens to pay for me when i dont have money, i want to fetch my frens from pudu, i want to go for holidays with my frens, i want to have lunch with my frens, i want to fetch my frens back from campus, i want to get drunk with my frens....:((
I really love u guys and hope we wont go apart...

over and over again

I had a very bad day yesterday. I don't know what happened to me. It was some sort of nervous breakdown I suppose. I was suddnely bombaded with all this problems from all these people. You know what got to my head? The fact that all these people are having these problems and I am having this totally opposite sort of problem. Yes, I admit, when it comes to giving advice, I am too generous ( I will talk as thoguh I have been through all the situations but actually, I just figure out how to come out of a certain problem) but when it comes to me who is having problems, I just .....
Ok, I will tell you what my problems are ( damn! im started the whining again!) but what the heck,it's my blog anyways...heheeh
1. I am not very happy with the job I do now, even though it is the best job in the world.
2. I am feeling something's gonna happen...had a bad dream
3. I feel my frens are actually floating away from me...
4. I have no money, but I will try to get some just to lend it to my friends
5. People in this world have changed from what I knew when I was in School or even University
6. I am just sad, had a braindead. I had this pile of work to do and all i did was stare at the monitor
7. I was damn hungry (i try not to use bad words)
8. I take things easy but when someone close to me does something out of my league, i get touchy ( yes i am a touchy biatch)
9.Everythnig seems to be going wrong.
10. I am just pissed with myself, everyone else and i think i deserve something better than what i have now.


Ok, there,i said it.....so what i did yesterday?? hmm... after work, say it was around 5, just to get things outta my head, i drove and drove and drove and drove every possible road i can get with the putut amound of petrol i had in my car tank. And I mananged to just sit,drive, turn the music loud and think bout what the heck just happened to me! I t then was around 8 and my good fren started calling me to ask where the hell am i and why am i not back to the apartment yet. so , went back. Some how i felt a relieve like something heavy has just been lifted from my head.

When I met my frens back in the apartment, my mood just changed back to normal...i guess thats why you call them friends huh? Even when they don't say anything, the presence of them just made me happy back. Went for dinner, couldnt eat much even when i didnt have my lunch..:) After that, all my frens turned crazy..just crazy..the thing that we did was just out of this world....but i can't tell u here...hehehee

Well, that was my day, and I really thank god for my frens...cherish them a lot...one wise man said, the closer you get to a person the more you get angry with them for simple things and the more you will start to care for them. So, thanks buddies...luv y'all

simply sucky

I believe in fate,but that doesn't mean that i leave everything to it. Fate is what I create for myself. For instance,when you say it is fated for me to be in the position I am in, it was up to me to actually get here. How can you say it is fate? Fate for me is when it was a fate that I was here, and it was a fate that I met this girl and it was a fate that I fell in love for her (sorry for the lovey dovey mood,it's valentine's day,work with me people!)
Well, talk about a day of sorrow man! It has been like this for like pass 5 years. The worst is when you would love to have that someone to be ur valentine but that person belongs to someone else ( got you people wondering ehh? ehehehehe) Don't worry, not anyone that you people know of. I believe it is not fate that has brought me here, but it is me,yes myself ...i wanted this..now I have it,thank you god,your so generous in all these things,aren't you?
Ok, I know I ma just typing crap here...I am affected by the day, i suppose, i want to believe it is the day,so back off anyone who thinks it is not or else...
I was kinda upset for another thing...i got to know my fren was scared to tell me something...u think i can be harmful to anyone?Come on,i'm this cute little thing that loves to love people...yes, i do bite at times but it is in a lovey dovey intension. Common, it does hurt a bit but anyways, since i found out from someone else rather than you....it hurt even more...
I will recover, i need time...man, i sound so phatetic..sicko...im so emotional...my my ....i have to change,grow up!
All i do is whining.....damn!

funny funny world

Its funny how the world turns out to be. People hate each other, people love each other, people just don't care about each other and people who cares about you too much that it gets annoying. Alittle bit of something is nice but a lot of something just ruins the mood. Like a famous chef always tells..don't put in the ingredients more that it suppose to be as it will make your food suck!(my grandma told me)
I believe people mean stuff they do, but keep in mind my friend, people hate it when you bump into their business. If they want you to bump into their business, they will tell you to. So, until than, don't try to act like a hero....you will be the one hurt at the end.
Don't you just hate it when someone starts touching you and as you try to avoid it, they keep coming closer? You can't say anything to them because you don't want to offend them. But if you like touching stuff, why don't you go touch yourself?at least you get the satisfaction, ;P .
So what if i still have feelings for my crush? I know it ain't gonna happen, no sparks to be sparkling any type of connection...but the satisfaction i get of knowing that i actually have feelings for someone.It just gets my feet off the ground.
If you don't want any relationship than, get your butt of my life! You know I still have feelings for you..and I can't be your mentor in solving problems because all I am going to do is to make you breakoff with your other half. Ok, maybe I WILL do it...without me realising it!
I am happy that you are happy. But trust me my dear, I am happy too. Happy that you are not in front of me because I don't think I will let him go off that easily. He would probably have a black eye and bruises around you know where.
But after all, that is the best for me. I know you mean no harm but it is harmful just to hear from you. Time will never change what has happened. Get on with your life.....without me.Let me live, let me breath, let me go pick some other flower for my diary.
I don't have to go through the pain of downs in love? Well, you shown me one, and trust me, it is the worst i felt so far. So, who are you to judge wether I will get a gem or just a plain stone? Either way, they both don't have feelings. I bet that what you want me to go through....don't you?
I am lucky? Who said so? Ok, maybe I am. But I am not lucky enough to have you. Doesn't it all just vanish in the air now? Doesn't it?
You maybe not the first BUT surely you have been the hardest to be forgotten.
You don't have to apologize, what's done is done. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. If it's not, it's just plain fucking not.
You are forgiven not forgoten....and you will never will be.
Thank you, Thank GOD and thank the fate.